The Code of Canon Law reads: “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament” (Canon 1055).
The Code asserts these elements: (1) marriage is a covenant [more than a contract], (2) marriage is a relationship capable of procreation, (3) the relationship of the two parties is the primary aspect of marriage [hence children are per se not essential to the validity of a marriage], and (4) the Church recognizes this union as a sacrament. Is this how we understand marriage and live it?
I believe Catholics in general acknowledge marriage as a sacrament, but don’t know why. The sacramental essence has to do with manifesting the Spirit of Christ and salvation. Clearly, marriage has something to do with sex, but also with prayer; it has something to do with household management (in original Greek oiko nomos=economy), but also with generosity and charity. One’s spouse has a privileged place in the process of one’s salvation, and visa-versa; the destiny of the couple is each other’s salvation wrought within married life, not because of it (ha, ha). All of this, in part, is the description of the covenantal—permanent—aspect of marriage. Covenant is different than contract.
The public realm adjudicates contractual agreements. Society protects the institution of marriage for the sake of property ownership, protecting children, and guiding lineage, especially tracking leadership roles. Divorce is relegating proper distribution of property, custody, and lineage. The Church, which has been outside of the legal system, certainly of late, is concerned with the sacrament and the human trauma of a collapsing marriage. The Church has its own “court” and processes to deal with questions leveraged against a presumed marriage (e.g., validity or nullity).
How do we live our and promote Christian marriage and family life?
If mutuality is key to spousal life, what are the values we model and teach to our children? Our sons, especially, should learn about mutuality. Conquest has no place in marriage. Thus, abuse or bullishness ought not be in any Catholic marriage. Is this the case? Why not?
If fidelity, chastity, and permanence are characteristic of marriage, our youth should be signs of personal integrity and of proper boundaries. Shouldn’t sexuality be held in esteem, not experimented? Never should a young woman feel unsafe/vulnerable in the presence of a young Catholic fellow. If not, what are we about? Are we setting the bar too low and too influenced by other values?
Parents are the primary educators of their children. What do we teach our children: how to have a busy life? Are we given to distraction…with gadgets? Do we practice praying? Do we teach the youth the awe of the world, how to listen to others, and how to respect others? Knowing what virtue is and how to live it is crucial. It is not intuited.
Persons live longer, so the challenge for a life-long union is great. Only spiritually deep persons thrive, much less persevere. And in an imperfect world and a pilgrim church, we ought to show what compassion is to those whose marriage has ended badly, and to widows/ers who feel isolated by their loss.



